Setting boundaries

Setting boundaries helps teens develop healthy relationships

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month

By Brittany Spratt, Programs for Peaceful Living

Bingen, WA (January 25, 2024) - February is national teen dating violence awareness month. Teen dating violence doesn’t just affect teens. It also affects parents, teachers, friends, and communities.

Around 12% of adolescents report being a victim of physical violence in their dating relationships, according to WhiteHouse.gov, highlighting why it is important for youth to understand how setting boundaries early on can be a great start to a healthy relationship.

Boundaries are clear guidelines that help partners communicate. While respect and trust are key components to help maintain a healthy relationship, there are also many types of boundaries that can be set early on to help build a positive relationship.

Some good boundaries to think about when going into a new relationship are physical, emotional, and personal boundaries. When deciding to set boundaries in a relationship, it is important to express what each partner needs from the other and for both partners to honestly communicate their expectations when moving forward.

Having physical boundaries ensures that basic safety is being met and partners don’t push each other to a point that makes either one physically uncomfortable. These can look like placing firm expectations around physical touch, public displays of affection (PDA), and sexuality. Boundaries around physical violence like pushing, pulling, shoving, and hitting are vital. If partners have a clear understanding of physical boundaries, it can help both feel more at ease in their relationship.

Emotional boundaries help protect feelings and thoughts. It is important that partners express their thoughts and feelings without criticizing or making each other feel unheard. Having open communication and partners feeling comfortable in discussing feelings, concerns, and needs with each other without judgment are effective emotional boundaries. Developing skills, such as asking for time to process emotions when there is an argument, can help partners return to the conversation and resolve the topic with less conflict.

Personal boundaries make sure an individual’s needs are being met. A good example is putting a limit on how much time is spent with a partner. Letting a partner know at the beginning of a relationship that, in addition to time with them, time with family and friends is also valued and needed. Additionally, each partner taking personal space to spend time alone and do things solo is a good way to meet personal needs and maintain a healthy relationship.

Sometimes, what works for one person might not work for another, and partners might have different expectations of what healthy boundaries are. If both partners show respect for differences of opinion and take one another’s feelings into account, they can begin to set a foundation for a healthy relationship.

Teen relationships are often looked at as being less serious than adult relationships, yet those experienced as teens help build a foundation for future relationships. In February and all throughout the year, show support for teens by engaging with them and demonstrating what boundaries and healthy relationships look like.

Anyone experiencing teen dating violence is encouraged to reach out to an advocate at Programs for Peaceful Living (509) 493-2662. All services are free and confidential.